This is kind of like the book, “If you Give a Mouse a Cookie” except that mine is more “If you Let a Person Vent”

Posted: 20 J0000008UTC 2011 in Children's books
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I nearly hate who I’ve become

   I never truly liked who I was, but in the past year, I’ve become the female version of the Grinch. At least on here I can put my justifications to the (somewhat) public eye.

-I lost my voice over a year ago, and every day it fluctuates in severity, most days extreme hoarseness

-I have one day off per week.

-On that one day off, I generally go long distances to some doctors appointment

-Multiple internationally recognized doctors can never figure out what’s wrong with me, just that something is.

-I don’t have anyone to vent to because:

-My best male friend died from an OD in April AND:

-My best female friend is traveling and we keep in contact, but not often

-It’s hard to talk on the phone anyway because of the hoarseness, and to me, e-mail just doesn’t seem personal enough. What about family?

-I barely keep in touch with my family for a variety of reasons:

-My mom’s likely afflicted with Munchausen’s by proxy (my brother has a severe, likely terminal disease), and she only pays attention to me when there’s a “crisis”-she dubs nearly every situation a crisis.

-My dad’s likely afflicted with Asperger’s and a slew of other psychiatric conditions. Besides, he’s about to go on his third wife, so he’s busy with her, although he is a self-admitted “player” and will likely be done with this marriage by the end of the current decade.

-My extended family doesn’t realize the severity of my lack of communication and when I attempt to explain, they don’t do anything to change it but spread rumors.

-Speaking of rumors, though I live at work and am surrounded by peers, unless I want the entire place knowing my issues, I speak as little as possible.

-This brings me back to square one where speaking is difficult enough already. Why doesn’t the statistic that we only use 30% verbal communication and the rest, nearly 70% is non-verbal seem like it doesn’t hold merit?

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