I always knew that addiction ran in my family. That’s why I never tried drugs; figured I’d be hooked the moment I started.

Mental illness also lies thick in the blood, many people under or un-diagnosed.

I’m the “identified patient” here. The easiest way to term an “identified patient” is say that he or she is the sick one while everyone else is honky-dory.

I’ve had my fair share of diagnoses: Bipolar, Type 2 and 3 (very different), Borderline Personality Disorder, Situational Depression, Aspergers, Major Depressive Disorder, AD(H)D, Tourettes, Eating Disorder NOS, Pseudo-seizures, Exploding Head Syndrome (I swear it exists… it’s just REALLY RARE-look it up!)…  the list goes on and on. I practically use every page of the DSM-IV revised edition, soon to come out with the brand spanking new DSM-V-way easier to type!

I didn’t touch drugs and I barely touched alcohol after one of my professors says it kills brain cells, 10% to be precise, and hey it could be the good 10% I need to have an awesome, fulfilling life, right?

I gave up those chances two nights ago. I want to escape my reality. I’ve self-injured (cutting, burning, tricotillomania (hair-pulling), dermatillomania (skin-picking), lashing. You name it, I’ve most likely done it, and if I haven’t, I’m probably willing to give it a try. It’s not working anymore.

Drugs… I can’t control, I don’t actually know what goes in those, so no siree, not my cup of tea, thank you, moving on-next please. I wanted to save my brain (or what little is left of it after my brain-damaged premature birth).

Alcohol is rather easy to access, and for me, right now, it’s free. I started drinking last night; the self-injury wasn’t cutting it (no pun intended, swear) and I needed a new thing. My friend had a bad day, and we were supposed to go out together for a drink. Didn’t happen due to unforeseen circumstances.

Didn’t stop me though; I thoroughly enjoyed getting extremely happy with none of those “depressant” side effects alcohol usually causes in people. Disclaimer: My brain is special and unique as is yours-this may not be the case for you-This is my life, this is not about suggestions for yours (at least at this moment).

I’m slightly afraid of becoming that closet alcoholic and messing up my life even more so than before and yet, I feel happy when drinking and I like it.


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