Everything I’d say to You if we actually talked

Posted: 20 J00000010UTC 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

   I hate you, I don’t care what they say about hate being a mostly inappropriate word- you were the one who told me that the only person I could hate is Hitler. Guess what? I add you to that list.

   I hate you for never being the mother I needed, I hate you for not being able to take care of two children. I hate you for not putting me up for adoption or to a group home; somewhere people could give me the attention I so needed and craved. I hate that you’re constantly writing ways you will change and NEVER putting your words into actions.

   I hate that you didn’t seek appropriate medical attention the day I was born and figured you could handle it by yourself. Guess what? You couldn’t and you didn’t. I hate that you say you’re poor- anyone in his or her right mind would disagree- you have two houses B-*C#! I fucking hate that you never let me curse, that you didn’t believe I needed medical treatment when I lost my voice for five weeks, you only accepted that I needed treatment when my voice was still gone after ONE YEAR!!

   You’re a fool who catastrophizes nonsense, a fool that I have the unfortunate incident of having half the DNA from. I absolutely despise that when I left your house seven months ago, you told me that I will always be unwell as long as you and I don’t have a relationship. I hate even more that I believe that.

   I hate you for seeing me as the sick one the mentally incapable unstable person. I admit that my emotions are strewn everywhere, can’t you take responsibility for your craziness?

   I hate how as a kid, you would come into my room to yell at me for whatever I had done and then calmly walk right next door to my brother’s room, acting as though nothing serious had just occurred. You switched your emotions lickety-split. 

    I hate that all I want to do is say I love you and mean it to someone, anyone, and I can’t, not even to you. F-off.

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