Since you acknowledged that I need love, why haven’t you given it to me? Why do you give it to her?

My heart hurts my head hurts and not constantly just in pangs which is like a reminder each time that I’ve been let down, again by the person who is supposed to be my support person, my go to.

As for B, if she was withholding this information, what else has she been withholding? No doubt a lot. She’s no open book as she likes to think she is. I guess we’re all just a mishmash of jumbled up something.

I just spoke to her about how badly I needed support and she seemed almost annoyed and said “well I guess we’re back at square one”. Really? But you’re the one who could have provided me that support just as you have been to B. and now in this absorbing process I’m going through and trying to understand it all, I realize I’ve lost two pieces of support. You can’t build a house on one beam for support, or if you do you risk collapse.

That’s where I’m at, total, absolute collapse. Despair. Rejection, hopelessness; this is one dark hole, and this time I don’t know I can dig out of it. It’s a vacuum sucking me in.

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