My former therapist at the school’s counseling center sent me this e-mail the other day:
“S forwarded me your request for an apt at the counseling center. I’ve been following your consultations and understand that K may or may not be available to you any longer as a therapist due to some ethical issues. I would certainly understand if you decided to choose another therapist, but would also encourage you to seek closure with K.

The service that we provide here at the CC is short-term by definition and as we discussed in the fall, the complexity of your mental health history and need is beyond the service we can provide. I have opted to provide consultation services to you while you were seeking a therapist and during crisis when you didn’t have access to your therapist. My recommendation continues to be that you seek an outside provider. I will recommend the following:”
She listed some people. I responded:
“Thank you for responding. The incident(s) that have occurred with K are an enormous blow and I find it really challenging to connect with any therapist, particularly if it’s going to be a new one at this moment. I need consistency during this time. I’m not inclined to seek outside support considering I’ve seen over 3 dozen individuals. I’m don’t want to start completely anew, and hope that you can recognize and understand this. I understand that it appears as though I have a complex history, and at the same time know at a basic level my most basic need, just like many who seek out support at the counseling center is finding a connection and being able to express and open up to a compassionate individual. There are not any DBT individual therapists around here, and I’m seeking continuity. I’m tired of starting over. I’ve found people at the counseling center who are a decent fit for me. By referring me externally, it’s not only affecting me, it’s also limiting those you advise and putting their capabilities into a very particular box. After all, we’re all human, we all have DNA. ”

I actually texted K on Tuesday:

initial text

Her response:

response #1

Nearly a full day later, she texts again (without my prompting):

first convo

continued convo


My in between reply:


Long story short, we eventually did talk, on the phone, yesterday. You know what? She admitted that she did one thing wrong (going to B’s house). However, B left out A LOT of things when she told me what was going on that day, including that K’s main reason for coming over was to drop off a note that she didn’t want to leave behind at work after being laid off. There were a lot of crossed wires, and I’m really glad to have cleared the air with K myself. It shows that it is basically a healthy therapeutic relationship, if I let it be.

It’s interesting because I was getting direction from all sorts of places, and mostly no one brought up the idea that my perception might be skewed and to trust K as an overall good person. Even the mental health professionals were veering me in the direction of the “fact” that I was let down. What a mind blow.

And I get it, I get that it must be a little awkward and strange for K to have clients who are friends. We didn’t know each other prior to a few months ago, we didn’t know each other like C and I know that we both began seeing K at the same time. K just asks me to talk things out with her (without her divulging therapeutic things about B obviously). She actually just wants me to say what I need and to ask for help. And the best part is that she’s willing to provide the support.


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