I’m supposed to go to bed crying every night?

Posted: 20 J0000006UTC 2011 in Addictions, Depression, Entertaining, Health, sleep, Update
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I sit in my bed, typing this, hearing my roommate’s phone constantly ding. This is not an environment conducive for sleep, it’s constantly jarring me more and more awake, and into the realm of insomnia.

sleep marilyn monroe

I’m not ok with this. I want to not be my only consoler in life, I hate myself, I hate the person I am, the gender I’m not (I identify as neither gender. I am just a baby in an older person’s body, completely separated most of the time. I want someone to tell me it will be alright, because I don’t believe it is alright.

Why did I not receive the love and affection I craved and deserved as a child? I recognize myself as one of those dogs left out on the street without love from anyone else. Today was rough, the house mom from last night broke confidentiality rules this morning by telling other clients that she had a rough night with me and elaborated by conveying the whole story to people who do not need to be made aware of the situation. That is rude and distrusting and I do not respect her. Someone needs to have a stern talk with her and that someone should not be me. The house mom on tonight used to be cool, she’s not as awesome as I thought she’d be and she wants me to have respect for the house moms.

When I’m lied to, I will not pretend that I wasn’t and go about interacting in a non-nonchalant manner. Miss attitude needs a check of her own. That was yesterday though, and today, or this moment is a new piece in time, and with that I’m supposed to fall asleep crying like a baby, waiting for someone to come tell me it’s gonna be alright.

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