Today was a rough day. I went to the sleep doctor after waiting five weeks for the appointment, thank you Socialist medicine in a democratic nation= um 1+1 does not equal 2.

I was stressed arriving at the appointment as I had given myself what I thought to be plenty of time, silly me and forgetting about LA traffic.

Some would consider my driving wreck-less; one individual even called me an idiot as I made a bad ass move. There is a distinct difference between close calls because you’re an awesome driver who has driven all sorts of vehicles including ambulances and just being a shitty, careless driver.

At the appointment, the doctor continued to inform me that he is baffled about my case. The doctor provided me with a special device (actigraph) to wear all the time for the next two weeks to track my circadian rhythm.

He spoke to my individual therapist while I was in his office. She informed him that she too was uncertain how much was my eating disorder and how much was chronic sleep problems. Interestingly enough, she told him that I have anorexia. I don’t get it; my BMI is far too high (meaning greater than 18) to carry a diagnosis of anorexia.

 I am supposed to return to his office on the 5th of August for an appointment, and possibly sooner to return the device (in two, maybe one week).
 He seems to believe that I should integrate CBT-I into my routine (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy specific to Insomnia). Part of this includes not going into bed until I am extremely tired and ready to sleep. 

Additionally, he seems on board for minimally invasive procedures including somatic and was also wavering between the following:

 1. For me to potentially meet with his supervisor. Kaiser has apparently never ordered a cerebrospinal fluid (spinal tap) test in the sleep clinic and he’s strongly considering that to rule out narcolepsy. It gets sent to Stanford to test for a particular subtype. 

2. He is still considering Xyrem; he would admit me to the medical hospital to track respiratory status. Though it’s a strong medicine, it has saved people’s lives consolidating sleep. He said even five hours of consolidated sleep is good, which I don’t maintain at present. I mentioned Denmark and how I’ll be abroad there in one month for the following four months. He said the test could be postponed until my return from there. 

 For the next few weeks he wants me on as minimal meds as possible so poly-pharmacy doesn’t become a distraction. I’m continuing on the Nuvigil, Intuniv and Synthroid and supposed to mention to staff psychiatrist to not touch anything regarding sleep.

Initially he was wanting to integrate heavily caffeinated (military-grade) gum into my daily routine (as caffeine tires me because of ADHD. Again, he didn’t want to pursue that route at present because of poly pharmacy.

Following my appointment with him that was longer than one hour and I had waited nerly one hour to see him, I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the recovery meeting at the eating disorder facility; today’s meeting happens to be run by my favorite therapist. Oh well, missed the boat on that one. 

Next, it was off to my newly acquired somatic therapist. I arrived later than I anticipated; she was ok with it as I provided her with advanced notice of my potential delays. Upon entering her office, I was activated to say the least. She didn’t touch me at all last week, it was the first session and she didn’t want to re-traumatize my system.

This week, I was anxious for her to touch me as I heard that is how she practices. I was also extremely nervous. Since my sleeping issues have been weighing heavily on my system, I decided that it would be of great benefit to be touched today as it is supposed to bring about a sense of calm, and often people nap after session. My therapist at the eating disorder center believes somatic therapy will be of great healing for me, releasing the toxins that are pent up within my body.

She didn’t touch me for a while and when she did, I felt this energy radiate throughout my body, and it was as though a radiant light was shining distally to the front of my torso. It felt exhilarating and mysterious and unsettling all at once. I barely made eye contact with her. I couldn’t it was uncomfortable enough to be laying down in front of a therapist.

She guided her hand slowly to my kidney and mentioned it was quivering (common). She slowly earned my body’s trust and began moving it around my kidney, creating a surge of power each time she made motion with her hand. When the motion ceased, I numbed out. I was on the brink of tears until I heard session was about to come to a close. She comforted me saying I could check in with her throughout the week via text, saying something to the effect of “Are you there?” She’ll model a positive relationship for me and I appreciate that, it makes sense. I sure hope I get to sleep now.

After session, I was planning on heading to the ocean to restore my sense of calmness. The removal of the somatic therapist’s hand was just as unsettling as the initial placement. I was going to restore my spirit by heading to the ocean and then a meditative yoga class. I was debating between eating dinner and not. I was more on the brink of restricting and limiting my intake when I was on an elevator ride with a man and his young son.

The son was thrilled at the glass elevator we were riding in. The dad said, “Should we ride on here forever?… Or should we eat?” The boy, baffled, uttered, “Oh no, because then the batteries will go out.” Good point little dude, a good reminder that eating is a battery refuel. No batteries out tonight. I trekked back to the house whereupon I cooked a rather late dinner. I had a bit of a snack after that, also late.

And with that, I bid you all adieu.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, and remember:

If you need a pep talk, check this awesome kiddo out:

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