Half alive

Posted: 20 J0000003UTC 2011 in Diet, eating disorder, Health, mental, Nutrition, Update
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I walk around at slightly faster than a snail’s pace, in pain. Emotional? Maybe. Physical? Definitely. This tube feels like an extra appendage, a foreign object I don’t really desire.

I know this tube keeps me out of hospital-sometimes I wonder if the hospital makes me sicker. I knew the site was problematic, only hours after insertion.

The amount of pain I was in, and tenderness all around the area. I went to something similar to an urgent care yesterday, infection confirmed. The person who saw me wanted to send me to hospital. No way, I can’t go back and risk losing my sanity. So I refused asking if I could try antibiotics at home. I don’t have a fever, and if I do get one, I’d probably go to some hospital.

I was prescribed an antibiotic and anti microbial wash. The dilemma I have is that I tend to become sicker (in all types of hospitals for some reason). I think that if I were to go back, not only am I mentally depleted, I think I would only get physically sicker.

Most likely, it was in hospital I developed sepsis. Last time I was in, the person next to me died. I’m just fed up with medicine and how I know more than the doctors and staff who “take care” of me here. They don’t know what they’re doing and it lands me in a super awkward position. If I had supplies and a pharmacy at my disposal, there’d be no need to enter a hospital. I hate that they are mostly clueless and often careless.

I also don’t know if they over hospitalize here or if I am sick enough to re-admit. The most swollen part is an 8cm area from one of the fasteners. At the moment since it appears localized, I don’t want to risk my sanity and health to readmit.

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